Forty and Fat

from by Hattie Hatstar

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about

A song about being middle aged, plump and wearing shaper underwear.

lyrics

Forty and Fat

I'd never heard of control underwear
Til I found myself forty and fat,
I thought you just bought the next size up
If you couldn't squeeze into that.
I don't care if my tits hit my nose
When I do the headstand yoga pose
And I don't care that I can't see my toes
Because I like beer and that's how it goes.
But the adverts told me
That I'd be an old maid,
That would never get lucky
And never get laid
And my teeth will decay, and my beauty will fade
And I won't get a job and I'll never get paid
So I bought some.

So now when you see me I'm looking quite svelte
And sassy and sexy and fit,
Don't go undressing me with your eyes
Underneath I look like a twit,
I'm wearing beige pants that come up to my armpits
They'd have any reasonable suitor in fits
And I'm turning bright red because I'm over-heating a bit.

The reason behind my story and the moral behind this tale
Don't squeeze yourself in a small spandex tube
And then consume 6 pints of ale
You can't stand you can't breathe
You can't think you can't cough
You can't laugh you can't dance
You can't drink you can't scoff
And if you find a man drag him home and cop off
You'll need sixteen mates around to shoehorn them off
And that will scare him.

So I'm not wearing control underwear
Now I find myself forty and fat
I think I'll just buy the next size up
And happily squeeze into that.
I'll celebrate that my tits hit my nose
When I do the headstand yoga pose
And I'll keep making sure that I can't see my toes
Because I like beer and that's how it goes.

credits

from Mental Floss, released February 22, 2016
Hattie Hatstar - Organ thing
Jules Bushell - Phonofiddle
Clucking - Hattie's chickens

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about

Hattie Hatstar England, UK

After 17 years of poking fun at everyone and everything on the festival and club circuit, Hattie Hatstar is a finely tuned weapon, using wit to make occasionally serious points.

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