Don't Google That Lump

from by Hattie Hatstar

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about

Don't Google illnesses because you will end up with them all.

lyrics

Google

Don't google that growth,
Don't google that bump,
Don't google that pustulant boil,
That wheeze, or that sneeze or that lump.
Cos you will find
That you're going to die
Painfully and horribly
Without the time to ask why.
In about three days
Your legs will drop off
Your heart will fail, your head will explode
So don't google that cough.

Your hair will fall out
Your teeth will fall in
Your nose will drop off
And be chucked in a bin.
Your spleen will implode
Your lungs will explode,
You'll become a quadruple amputee
Or someone who's experienced a lobotomy.
You will never walk again
A thousand tiny spiders will hatch from your brain,
You will go insane
So don't google that pain.

So now you've got cancer
And HPV
Rheumatoid arthritis, osteoporosis, insomnia and COPD
You're developing altzheimers and you're severely depressed,
Hyper-tense and menopausal
Jesus you're a mess.
You've got fifteen separate STD's, swine flu and kidney disease
E bola’s gonna see you off
So don't google that cough.

credits

from Mental Floss, released February 22, 2016

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Hattie Hatstar England, UK

After 17 years of poking fun at everyone and everything on the festival and club circuit, Hattie Hatstar is a finely tuned weapon, using wit to make occasionally serious points.

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